“Intimidating”, “a joy”, “impossible” and “a gift”, these and many other words have been used to describe what it is like to raise a child. Because we are not given an instruction booklet when we go home with our babies, we need information and tools to help us to be the parents our children need.
“How can we help our children succeed in life?” There are many factors to this, but in this article I would like to focus on one: Affirming the positive characters we see.
How can this help? Don’t we need to focus on what they are doing wrong? Yes, children need correction and discipline – these topics will be in future articles – but to help a child grow in confidence and to help them know they are doing something right, we need to affirm specifically.
Some age appropriate examples: For a two and three year old, it is noticing and saying, “You were so kind to share your toys.”, For the four and five year old, “You were very polite and considerate by inviting him or her to play with you.” Six year olds, “I like the way you showed self-control and discipline by sitting down and doing your schoolwork.”
When we affirm our children’s character, they feel strengthened and we give them confidence to continuing to grow in the area we noted. Important facts to
remember:
- The affirmation of a character trait needs to be sincere.
- It takes practice to be specific.
- Our noticing and affirming need to continue and grow.
Try this tool and see how your child responds.
If you have questions or comments, you can reach Russell Fryer through our contact page.
Gates, walls, doors, and windows are all types of boundaries with good purposes. They protect us and give us a sense of security as they keep bad weather and bad people out of our homes. Some, like windows, can be opened to let in fresh air, or a door to let in friends and family. Our children need these types of boundaries as well to provide security, but also room to grow as a person. For children, what does a helpful boundary look like?